HR Beast Retirement Cards | Funny Printable Corporate Retirement Cards

A set of 7 funny printable retirement cards satirizing corporate and HR life. Dark humor cards for professionals retiring or leaving office work.

Each card satirizes a familiar HR or corporate workplace archetype, using dry humor and sharp observation instead of generic congratulations. These cards are made for professionals who have spent years navigating policies, meetings, onboarding rituals, surveys, and hiring systems and are now ready to retire or move on.

This is workplace humor for adults, not motivational fluff.

What’s included

• 7 printable retirement cards (digital download)

• Each card represents a recognizable corporate or HR archetype:

  • The Contract Clinger

  • The Policy Hydra

  • The Compliance Gargoyle

  • The Onboarding Scarecrow

  • The Meeting Vulture

  • The ATS Leviathan

  • Surveysaurus

• High-resolution files suitable for home printing or professional print shops

• Consistent folded card layout with front, inside message, and back imprint

Ideal uses

• Retirement gifts for coworkers and managers

• Funny farewell cards for corporate professionals

• Printable retirement cards for teams or departments

• Digital cards for people leaving office or remote work environments

What makes these cards different

• Designed specifically for corporate and HR humor

• Observational, not mean-spirited

• No corporate branding, slogans, or stock phrases

• Created by an independent creator, not a greeting card company

If you’ve ever sat through unnecessary meetings, navigated rigid policies, or dealt with hiring systems that felt more complex than helpful, these cards will feel immediately familiar.

Format & delivery

• Instant digital download

• No physical product shipped

• Print as many times as you like for personal use

Who these retirement cards are for

• Retiring professionals

• Corporate workers leaving long-term roles

• Teams looking for smarter, funnier retirement cards

• Anyone searching for unique printable retirement cards with real workplace humor

HR Beast Retirement Cards v1.0
Printable retirement cards for people who know exactly what they’re retiring from.